Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Be Optimistic

Hey guys..... so today I had my first exam at NUS, for CM2101, spectroscopy. Now hear me out, I've been having a lot... a lot of trouble with this course throughout the entire semester. I've had my downs after seeing my grades from the quizzes, but I've had my ups after seeing my A+ on my lab report! It's been a huge roller coaster ride for me. Well yea, today I had the final exam. I studied so much for it you know? I spent 2 weeks just reviewing what I had learned, re-vamping my notes, reading the book. 2 weeks, day and night studying the course and of course I reviewed it as well throughout the year. I put all of my time and effort into this course. I tried so hard you guys. I stayed up till 6am somedays studying, getting only like 5 hours or less of sleep on some nights. I wanted to prove to myself that I would be able to do this.... my one teacher was so mean to me, almost like he looked down on me.... I wanted to show him I could do it. That I was a capable student.... but this exam. I'm so lost for words... I'm crying a little when I write this. I don't know how well I did. I tried my best, you don't always succeed right? I tried so hard but I don't know what to say anymore....

BUT. Even though I have these overwhelming feelings that I didn't do so well, for now, I have to stay positive. Maybe these Singaporean kids won't ruin my bell curve.... Maybe I showed enough of the correct method and theory to prove that I may not have the best computational work but I still know my stuff. Maybe I wasn't as off as I thought I was. Hopefully I still passed..... I don't ask for much. I just want to pass..... Just please let me pass. Just keep thinking happy thoughts and thinking that I passed. Just pray to God to give me the strength to carry on. God knows how hard I worked. I tried so hard. I gave it my all. Now all that's left is to hope for the best. I know my friend told me before, everything will work out in the end. I still believe in her words. There is still some hope. I tried so hard, I still have hope. I won't study this much just to give up in the end. I just blank out on exams you know. I just blank out....

Also, even more important than my grades.... my grandmother is on hospice care at the moment. My mom's been with her for about a month now to stay by her side and take care of some grandchildren. I know she's probably a little scared to be by herself, so I think she's really strong to do this alone without my dad. I feel so bad because they are split up so often. First so that she can take care of us while my dad opens a restaurant. Now to take care of her dying mother. I just don't know. I hope things go well, but sometimes I don't know how much better things can get. I've only met her once, my grandmother, but I don't know if I'll be home in time to see her again before she passes. I hope my mom is ok. I hope my grandmother is ok. And I hope my Daddie is ok. He loves my mom more than she loves him I think. ;D I can see it in the way they act. I hope I can find someone like that someday. Someone who will work all day just to cherish me and my kids. :'D

So yea. There is much to be thankful in life, but there is so much stress and worries that can overcome you. For now, still have hope. For now, don't let all your hard work and all of your dreams go to waste. There is still time to laugh, dance, enjoy life. I won't fail. I studied so hard. I can't. Please God. Please don't let me fail. I don't know. Do I even have enough courage to be brave? To have hope and optimism that I won't fail. That my family isn't actually slowly dying off (my aunt died last winter)... Please. God. Please. I beg of you..... Please help me out in my time of need. -laugh- I know my worries may seem minimal in comparison to most, but these are things that are really important to me. My school, my studies are so important to me. I've always excelled in these types of things. I just wanna cry. But I'll be fine. LOL. I don't know how to feel, but I'll try, I'll try to be optimist. Must be positive. Thing positive thoughts..... just keep thinking positive thoughts.....

.... whatever.... I'll just eat my problems away with chocolate.... ><;;
Currently I'm loving the Black Forest one by Cadbury. OMG. It's so good. OMG. YUM.
It's so funny~ I was craving chocolate... and then my friend just pulled this particular one, out of his bag, and was like, I love this chocolate too! o: Lol. He gave it to me~ so nice~ ;D

Too lazy to photoshop~ more exams coming.... fix the lighting later~ <3

....
Hate chu school.... T_______T;;