Thursday, August 23, 2012

FAN GIRL EXPLOSION

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
THE MOST AMAZING THING WAS JUST RELEASED TO ME.
HOLY FUCK.

ANCAFE IS BACK!!!!
THEY'RE REALLY BACK!!!!
AS MUCH AS I LOVE KPOP AND BIG BANG, MY REAL HEART LIES WITH AN CAFE AND MIKU AND KANON AND TERUKI AND TAKUYA AND YUUKI AND OMG. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOOMGMOMGOMGMGOMGOGM



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cioIG90DxuE

I'M LIKE A HUGE SPAZZ RIGHT NOW.
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS SOONER?!!!
I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED AFTER LC5 WEREN'T RELEASING ANY SONGS RECENTLY.
BUT STILL.
HOLY FUCK.
THE GODS OF MY LIFE ARE BACK.
I FEEL BAD SPAZZING OUT SO LATE AT NIGHT.
BUT WHATEVER.
OMOGMOMGOMGOMGOMOGM
THE SONG IS AMAZING TOO!!! SO GOOD!!! BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.
I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
T_______T
<33333

ALSO. MORE SPAZZING.
KANON X KANON
SO GOOD.
LOVE THEM

I CAN NOW DIE HAPPY.
OMG.
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
MY LIFE SERIOUSLY ENDED HERE.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL.
BRINGS BACK MEMORIES.
CAFEKKO FOR LIFE~ <3

Friday, August 17, 2012

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

FIRST OFF. HAPPY G-DAY.
MY VIP'S MAN IS SUCH A HOT PIECE OF ASS.

YUP. STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT G-THONG.
-nosebleed-

ANYWAYS.
...
HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS.
YOU SEE. I WAS NAPPING DURING LUNCHTIME.
BECAUSE FUCK FOOD, WHO NEEDS THAT SHIT.
(LOL JK, I don't like lunchboxes so I don't eat till I get home. But I eat like a freaking pig when I do. :p )
YEA SO I WAS NAPPING.
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I AWAKEN BECAUSE MY HAND WAS A LITTLE ITCHY.
HOLY FUCK.
HOLY PHUCK.
HOLY PIECE OF PIE.
SOME TINY RED BUGS WERE CRAWLING AROUND THE COUCH THAT I SLEEP ON NORMALLY. AND SOME OTHER YELLOW BUG TOO. DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. BUT FUCK MAN (kekekekeke~ butt fuck ;D) . WHOLE BUNCH OF TINY ANT-SIZED RED BUGS CRAWLING AROUND ME, AND MY FUCKING FACE.
SHEET.
I ALMOST CRAPPED MY PANTS...
WHAT IF THEY'RE STILL ON ME? IN MY HAIR? IN MY SKIN? WHAT IF THEY WILL LAY ALL THE EGGS IN MY EARS OR SOME CRAZY SHIT LIKE THAT? T_____T
I'M SCARED MAN.
SCARED..... ;A;

EDIT: HOLY SHIT. I JUST LOOKED AT MY ONE HAND AND IT'S COVERED IN LIKE 9 LITTLE RED BUMPS....
I WAS LIKE, SHIT, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
THEY GOT ME MAN.... THEY GOT ME........ WAHHHHHHHHHHHH~

Thursday, August 16, 2012

NOT CANCER!!!!

Oh why hey thur gurlfriend. :p

I got a call from my Mommie yesterday and it turns out that she DOES NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER!!! IT'S A MIRACLE. YET AGAIN THE TUMOR WAS FOUND TO BE BENIGN. I don't know yet if they have to operate on it since she's switching doctors because this one was a tool. Let me tell you, she took an unexpected vacation on Friday which is ok by me. Doctors need some time off too.... but we left a message for her to call us back on Monday. So we waited patiently for Monday and still no call..... wtf?
 We called again in the afternoon because we were getting tired of waiting and she had already left for the day!! WTF MAN. Y U SO HARD TO TRACK DOWN? So we waited till the next day and we finally got our good news. Not cancerous. -still kinda sketch since how can you get two tumors in less than 20 years that are both benign? get on it, there must be some connections between these tumors nowaii- So I'm just happy we have some good news for the day.

Bad news though. I was found out for two-timing my research positions. D: Well not really, one already knew since I told him, but the other one found out today. Surprisingly, he didn't really care about me working two. And I really want to keep working two. But everyone says it might end up being too much for me... so I'll have to cut it down to one.... THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, I DON'T KNOW IF ONE IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET ALL THE CREDIT HOURS THAT I NEED. T______T I was waiting for my CHEM BS advisor to come back to campus to discuss it with him before I made any decisions, but he won't be back for another week and school is starting and they've like pressured me to choose.

Well.
I know what I'm going to do. Somehow I always knew. My mommie was right, it's not always about the money. So I'm going to choose Dr. Zhang even though I really, REALLY like Dr. Philip's lab as well. I think that they're so similar (expect for the pay)  in what we do and what I get to do, so I'm going to choose Dr. Zhang because I feel more of a loyalty to him. I don't know if that even makes any sense but that's what I'm going to do. I just can't say no to Dr. Zhang. I really wanted to cry today when I was getting scolded for not telling him earlier. But he seemed ok with it. But whatever. I'm rambling.

Also, I got a present from my bosses today. They're so nice. T_____T
I don't like change. But I guess it's necessary.

My post-doc that I work for in Dr. Zhang's lab is going to be on vacation next week and Saturday is my last day at the library so I'm going to have a lot of free time next week. I'm going to email Dr. Philip on Sunday discussing my plans to stop, but I still want to work for that week, and hopefully he'll allow it. We'll see how it goes.

Bye.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Random Haul from the Mall

Whoa. WHOA. OMG YOU GAIIS. Liek seriously. I had this nightmare last night that people I actually know read this blog and I liked freaked out... ><;; None of my readers better actually know me! >:( Hehe~ I don't know why~ but this is like my secret ranting area. I love to bash real life people people behind their back. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN CALL ME PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SMURF. :x Smurfity smurf you.  (LOL JK only to some people. I normally hate gossip ><) Well this might be a long post so let's just get to it.

Let's start with my skincare portion of my haul. I purchased everything from Nordstrom at the Beachwood Mall in Beachwood, Ohio. This mall is kinda snazzy, but it's the closest mall in my area so we normally go to this mall to shop. c:



First, from Kiehls, I purchased the Ultra Facial Cleanser for $19.50 USD for 150mL. I was always curious about Kiehls products since I've always only purchased skincare from Shiseido in the past, and I'm trying to branch out; therefore, I decided to purchase something!  The only thing is that I know I bought some new cleansers from Korea, but I didn't bring them because I was stupid and thought I had enough here... not really but whatever. You all know I love to spend money~ :D Anywho, this one came highly reccommended by the lady at the counter. So I decided to take her word for it and chose this one even though I was more interested in the Rare Earth Deep Pore Daily Cleanser which was actually more expensive ($22). However, the lady kept going on about how the Ultra Facial one is the best, and removes all makeup (even waterproof mascara) like a miracle. If the cheaper one came more recommended I thought it must be better then! ;D



The next two things are from Shiseido. The Urban Environment Oil-Free UV Protector for $30 for 30mL and the Pureness Matifying Moisturizer for $33 for 50mL. Lol. Ok so this was a funny story.... Remember how I said I was trying to branch out...? ;D Well while I was at the Kiehls counter, I saw a new sunscreen and I thought that I should get a new one since mine was making me a little oily. So I headed over to the Clarins counter, since I know some of my friends use that brand. Well, while I was there... the lady said that she actually liked the one from Shiseido best, and that it's Oil-Free and works really well.... so I bought it... Lol.... so much for trying to branch out right? ;D It really absorbs quickly into my skin so I thought why not? The Urban Environment line is mostly for people who work in areas with lots of fans and AC. This is beause it's supposed to protect our skin from these types of things that are harsh to the skin and dry it out easily. It's not meant for going to the beach or anything like that. But that's ok with me since I work a lot these days. (For an Asian drug store alternative, I like the Biore Face sunscreen,  but it smells heavily of alcohol which they put in it to make it dry up faster.) The ingredients are listed to the right. Click for a better view.

The moisturizer was a complete whim. Let me tell you that lady really knows how to sell stuff... shoot.... she can talk your ears off. :p But it reminds me a lot of the Clinque one! The consistency is more like a gel than a lotion, and absorbs INSTANTLY into the skin. Not leaving any sort of residue or heavy feeling at all, and I really liked it. Tbh, it seemed more moisturizing than the Clinque one which is why I went ahead and got it even though the Clinque on works well too, and is a bunch cheaper. Plus, the word "Matifying" totally sold me.

The last thing was a deluxe sample of Eudermine Revitalizing Essence that I'm saving for my mom, since I know she likes and uses this one. Shiseido actually doesn't sell any sort of toners, so this essence should replace the "toner" step. It's more of a softener that works to soften the skin and add a bunch of nutrients to it, to make it appear young and supple. Toners tend to be harsh on the skin, what with all its acids and alcohols and stuff, which is why Shiseido doesn't do them.

And a few more samples from purchasing the stuff above. I got some masks from the Rare Earth Deep Pore line from Kiehls, and another Suncreen from the Urban Environment line from Shiseido, for the body.


Next up I'll do my haul from the super amazing sale at Bath and Body Works.

First off. I decided to pick up some hand soaps since you can never have enough hand soaps. Hehehehe~ These were 5 for 15 or $3 USD each. I got the ones in Fresh Picked Pomegranates, Blackberries, Strawberries, and Apricot, and the Creamy Pumpkin one. I already gave the strawberry one away to my friends for a present, and it does smell amazing. The apricot one was stolen from me from my lame ass friend that I mentioned earlier and do not talk to anymore. -____- WHY THE FUCK DO I ONLY MEET JERK OFF GUYS IN AMERICA? THEY WERE MUCH BETTER ABROAD. JACKASSES..... :x

I also took advantage of the Buy 2 Get 1 Free dealio. The best part of sales from BBW is that they don't do that lame thing where they give you the cheapest thing for free. NO. Instead they reduce each individual price by a certain percentage. Wonderful eh? <333 The two things that I bought were from their new fine fragrances line. I'm like obsessed with scents these days. I really want to buy some new perfumes but alas, didn't have time to spend hours in Sephora to pick one out. T___T Currently, my two top choices are either Hypnotic poision from Dior (really vanilla base notes) or Vera Wang Princess (similar, but lighter, and more girly). The two that I picked were Pink Chiffon and Twilight Woods. The Pink Chiffon one is really fresh and girly. Maybe a little too girly. Really reminds me of a mix of the body splashes from the Pink line in Victoria's Secret. Fruiter than the Fresh and Clean one, but less girlier than the Sweet one.  Twilight Woods is a classic that I'm pretty sure everyone loves. My friend uses the body lotion from it, and I fell in love with the scent. So good.

Pink Chiffon:
  • Top: Mandarin, Sparkling Red Pear, Peach Nectar, Wild Berries
  • Mid: Tiare Flower, Jasmine Petals, Water Lily, Apple Blossom
  • Dry: Coconut Milk, Vanilla Orchid, Creamy Sandalwood, Heliotrope, Chiffon Musk
Twilight Woods:
  • Top Notes: Juicy Berry, Sparkling Mandarin, hint of Coconut
  • Mid Notes: Creamy Frangipani, Soft Mimosa, Wet Honeysuckle, Wild Freesia, Apricot Nectar
  • Dry Notes: Oud Wood, Musk, Orris, Vanilla Milk, Warm Woods

Along with the fragrances, I also bought the body butter in Twilight Woods. I used to use the Pure Seduction one from Victoria's Secret, but I ditched that somewhere along the way during moving out last semester. To be honest, I prefer the formula of the body butters from BBW. They absorb much more easily and have a really soft and creamy texture. A little bouncy if you push down on the product. The one thing I don't like is that you have use a little more to get a more moisturized feel. Or maybe that might be due to the harsh summer. Less humid than last couple of summers imo. Not that I'm complaining or anything. ;p I've been using this for about a week and a half so far and you can see how much I used already.

FINALLY TO THE CLOTHING PORTION OF THIS HAUL!!!! <3

I was actually a little short on time so I only picked up some things from F21 and H&M and Delias sadly, but I found some GREAT deals. c:<333

Let's start with the clothes from F21.
The first thing that I got was this lovely taupe button-up shirt in small for $12.80. It's actually huge.... FREAKING HUGE on me... :( But I figured I could pull it off if I tucked in the front portion to give me more of a figure, or by tying up the bottom part into like a shorter shirt? ;D I could also just leave the shirt open over a t-shirt of dress (lovely with a yellow or white dress!!) as like a cover up. It's not my favorite buy of the haul, and I hate how SO MANY of the smalls at F21 are turning into mediums... Stop growing please.
 
The next thing is a pretty lace, off-white shirt. It's more of a cream shirt (sorry for terrible pictures). I love the pocket detail and the sheer lace back. Really cheap as well at only $12.80 USD again. This picture really doesn't do it justice. :( So it's featured again in my outfit ideas shown later in this post so you can see more its true color and cuteness~.

Next items are from H&M. These are my two favorite stores if you haven't noticed. ;D


Sorry this shirt is so wrinkly. It's been in the bag since I bought it lol. ;D It's just your plain, average white shirt. I normally get my basics from F21 or A&Fitch since I don't normally like how elastic-y the ones at H&M are, but I couldn't resist the price of this one. I also love the cutting of the neckline. Almost like a V-neck, but more rounded off. Very flattering. I also accidentally dyed all of my older white items a light, really light, pink tint as well (OTL;; OTL;; OTL;; FAIL) while doing laundry, so I needed new white items... ><;;

 

 Next thing is a super cute bright teal high waist skirt for $12.95 USD. It's much brighter than these pictures suggest... (LIGHTNING Y U SUCK SO MUCH?!) and I completely LOVE THESE SKIRTS! They are super soft and fit really well. I really think I might go back and pick up some other colors since they are so well made and so cheap! The one I want the most is the yellow one. There are other fun colors too! I just don't remember them. c:



 The next thing is a really cute black long tank top for again, $12.95 USD. I love the high-low hem line and that the back is actually made of a sheer material to give it that added sex appeal~ ;). The front is made of some soft cottony material. And it has a really cute pocket on the chest area. Super cute. I actually went back to pick up the coral one, but it was sold out at my mall. :( It also comes in other fun colors like bright true green and I wanna say blue, but they weren't as fitting as this black one on my skin tone.


Next is a black see-through dress on sale for $7 USD. The dress is basically a long bat-wing T-shirt that has a braided belt around the waist to cinch it in. I though it was super cute. It would be perfect over a bikini or maybe a black slip dress is what I was thinking. c: I love black clothes! <3


Next is a simple white dress for $10 USD. It has a nice gold zipper detailing on the back and a high-low hem on the bottom of the flared skirt. The only thing I don't like about this dress is actually the cutting of the neckline. To be honest. It was completely unflattering on me and my friend. I think, by the way it was cut, it was meant more for a bustier girl.... But I decided to purchase this dress anyways as a layering piece for maybe the winter or something. I could throw a sweater over the top to cover up the ugly neckline or maybe even a scarf. It's a great basic to have in your closet! <3

Lastly, I picked up a pair of fun colored, bright coral shorts from Delia's for $34.50. USD. I LOVE Delia's shorts. The material is so soft and fits clingly. The only bad part is that apparently the color fades easily since it was dyed with natural dyes. Oh well. Be green I guess. The second picture is more true to color. LOL the funny part was that when I was buying these, there were a bunch of people and police at the next register because some delinquent chicks decided to shop-lift. DUH. DON'T SHOP LIFT STUFF WITH SENSORS ON IT PLEASE. >:o And be careful where you shoplift! Make sure there are no cameras! ;D Not that I used to do that when I was young or anything. I would just nag my mom to buy it... then she said no so I was like.... okay.... :( NOW I CAN BUY ANYTHING THAT I WANT SINCE I'M IN COLLEGE. LOLOLOLOL TAKE THAT LIFE! ;D





Hehehehehehe~ If you live in the Greater Cleveland area, you'll know about the chocolate brand Malley's! THEY HAVE THE BEST CHOCOLATE BARS! Normally, a lot of schools sell them for fundraisers. Everytime I see a store, I pick up some Pretzel Crunch bars ($1.00 USD each) since they're my favorite. This time I picked up the Chocolate Fudgie ones since they were having a BOGO sale as well ($1.75 USD each). You get bigger ones for the fundraisers though ;D  Hehehe. I had two of each, but I already ate two bars. So good. Really recommend this brand if you ever see it! <3






Here are my outfit ideas for these new clothes. One is just a cute, summery outfit. The other one is something that I dressed up more and could be more of a clubbing outfit.



Featuring my lovely new shoes!!! :DDD Actually not really new. But I haven't really worn them yet. Does anyone else ever buy really cute shoes because you can't resist, but don't end up wearing them?

Peace out guys! The news of my mother's tumor has been pushed back to this Monday since the doctor was off Friday. PRAY FOR HER PLEASE. LOVE YOU MOMMIE. <3

Friday, August 10, 2012

So... I work in a Law Library...

At my uni, I work at our graduate Law Library. Well at least until the end of the summer since I'll be quitting soon. My bosses and fellow reference librarians are all super nice and I love them! Seriously! Before my study abroad trip, they gave me a gift card to amazon! AND they just bought me a Hello Kitty basket! What fun~ <3 But anyways, back to the point. 

I work at a Law Library. And people these days. Let me tell you, people these days must be getting stupider and stupider. We get TONS of people that come in expecting Law advice for some sort of civil cases. And I get it. They don't have enough money to speak with actual lawyers... but to expect to get the same sort of advice from a freaking LIBRARY is just too ridiculous.  We BY LAW ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE LEGAL ADVICE. WE ARE NOT FUCKING LAWYERS, SO STOP IT. We can only HELP you find articles that may pertain to your case! THAT IS IT. NO MORE.

But it doesn't stop there. What really ticks me off is that some of them are so fucking retarded. Like seriously retarded! It bothers me SOOOO FUCKING MUCH when people just act too retarded. I mean, use some FUCKING COMMON SENSE HERE. People try to tell me that I have no common sense, but these people must be like dirt to have less than me. Let me tell you about this person that I know. Maybe I was a little too harsh, but we were in Bath and Body Works. I wanted to buy some lotion for my legs at night because they've been getting a little dry. Well, in the end, I decided to get a body butter instead. OMG. This fucking douche, he keeps asking me, "what's the difference between a body butter and a lotion?" Well ok then. I told him. The body butter is thicker in consistency, so it moisturizes better than a lotion. Nothing wrong here right? WELL THEN THE FUCKING IDIOT KEEPS ASKING ME. "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT MEANS. YOU OPENED THE BODY BUTTER, YOU CAN SEE THE CONSISTENCY. I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN LOTION BEFORE. AND I TOLD YOU THAT IT MOISTURIZES BETTER. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT MOISTURIZE IS? I MEAN. LOOK AT THE FUCKING WORD. IT ADDS "MOISTURE" BACK INTO YOUR SKIN. GET REAL WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Then, he has the audacity to ask the store lady the SAME FUCKING QUESTION. Seriously. She told him the same thing too. Idiot.... we can't dumb it more down for you. -_____- For cereal, this guy is even worse than those little kids that keep asking you why. Lucky we were in a store so I couldn't tell him off for being so fucking stupid. Just bash him on my blog. :p THEN, HE EVEN ASKS ME, CAN YOU USE THIS ON YOUR FACE? Aw hell no. Aw HELLL NOOOOO. Of course I said no. But he kept asking, Why? What do I use then? I told him face moisturizer. Then he asked the same question before. "Can you use this on your face?" Fucking hell man. So fucking annoying. I won't go on about this anymore. 



Wow. People might start to think I'm a huge bitch if they read this blog. LOL.
Whatever.  
I do what I want.



Anyways, back to these dumb as shit Public Patrons at our Law Library. This one guy came in today. He kept asking us questions about acronyms and mnemonics. Then. THEN. He keeps trying to lecture us about "PROPER ENGRISH" Ok. He said English. BUT FUCK YOU. YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN HAVE A PROPER COLLEGE DEGREE IF YOU KEEP COMING TO A FUCKING LAW LIBRARY FOR LEGAL ADVICE. HE ALSO KEEPS GOING ON ABOUT "I BEFORE E, SOMETIMES Y" RULE. Ok. First of all. You forgot the fucking "except after C" and also, THE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS TO RULES. STOP IT. WE KNOW THIS "RULE" (Which imho, shouldn't be a "rule" if there are exceptions)  AND HOW ENGLISH CAME FROM LATIN? PFFT. PFFFFTTTTTTTT. ALSO, HE KEEPS TELLING US HOW THINGS WOULD BE READ THE SAME IN ALL LANGUAGES AND HOW HE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO A BILINGUAL PERSON BECAUSE OF THIS. LET ME TELL YOU, I STUDIED SPANISH, LATIN, AND JAPANESE, AND I UNDERSTAND CANTONESE. AND I KNOW THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. TRYING TO ACT ALL PHILOSOPHIC AND SHIT. SHEET. BITCH PLEASE. Please, just do us all a favor and stop asking these dumb ass questions.

Yes. Stupid questions do exist. And I will keelll you if you ask me any. 
SERIOUSLY. 

GAH. All I do lately is rant about idiots. 
I'm sorry. 
I'll have another collective haul coming up soon. >//////////<;; 
I did some shopping last weekend yay~! <3

(All gifs are not belong to me. Rights to respectful owners whomever made them out in these internetwebz. )

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Shits going down....

I just got a text from my brother.  The younger one.
Now you know, I'm not really close to my family. I was always the odd one out. Especially because I'm the only daughter and they're two sons. I'm only close with my mom pretty much....
Anywho, it's not often that I get a text from him unless he wants something.
Like money.
Well this wasn't about money.
Just so you know, he's currently residing with my parents in Washington for Summer break before he goes back to college.
I guess my mom had a doctor's appointment today.
They found an abnormality...
When they were giving her a mammogram.
She had a brain tumor before.
It probably developed from this...
You know that metastasis?
Yea I guess that's the cause.
They took a biopsy.
...
Let's just pray for the best!

Get well soon Mom! Love ya

 (At my little brother's HS graduation. >< )

Ps. What worries me the most is that it all boils down to money.
These parents of mine don't like spending their own money on themselves. They save it for us. I can't help but feel guilty so I buy them stuff a lot. I just hope that this doesn't develop further because we don't have much money. I'm worried about how things will turn out... Especially now that I have to quit my job and start paying for grad school applications. I'm really worried. But I can't help but not worry, their finances are a bit jumbled up :(


EDIT:: Omg. I was just thinking about it. Her doctor's appointment was Tuesday. My Mom called me on Tuesday. I thought it was weird that she called me at this time since I had called her the day before to talk about school and my research jobs. She called me twice during work. But I was at work all day so I couldn't call her back until later at night. I felt bad. Somehow, I had a really strange feeling about this. You know how my Auntie and Grandma died recently? Well my other grannie has Alzheimers and I had a bad feeling that maybe something was wrong with her. But it wasn't. It's my mommie instead. T____T She didn't even tell me over the phone. I had no idea until my brother texted me the next day. Seriously. It makes me feel like shit knowing that she couldn't even tell me herself.... maybe I'm a really bad daughter.... :(

Friday, August 3, 2012

No means NO!

Ok you guys. Did I ever tell you about my problem about how I really dislike saying "no"? D:

Like for cereal here, I have a major problem here.... there are very few things I will say "no" to (or really obvious shit. Don't mess with me gurl.... icutchu.....:x)

Well anywho, here's my major predicament....
So for my senior year, I have to do research under a teacher or post-doc for my capstone project. So I was looking up peeps to do research for, and I ended up emailing two people. One person, Dr. Zhang (lololol too many Dr. Zhangs to know which one I'm talking about right? //noracismhere ;p) works with cancer drugs, and the other Dr. Philip (I'll just use his first name) works with Retinoids and x-ray crystallography. Now to tell the truth, both of them are interesting to me (I mean, obviously right? I emailed them.... -_-) so I would love to do research for either one of them.

Now Dr. Zhang emailed me back first. Like right after I emailed him I got a response. And he was the first one who I emailed. So I was really happy about that. And it turns out, this guy is a super nice guy! He seems really enthusiastic about having me volunteer in his lab. I mean, after just 1 day of shadowing the post-doc that I'd be working under, he's like "let's take your picture so we can put it on our website!" Like OMG. I'm already thought of as someone in their lab and I feel soooo honored! Especially because they just got a BUNCH of new publicity from my school because of their new, innovative approach on fighting Cancer. Like no joke, news people were interviewing him. Web articles about him. They're doing some really ground-breaking stuff here right? And I'm pre-pharm. This means I'll work with medicine. He's working to create a medicine for cancer. What more can I ask for right?

Well then comes the dilemma. Dr. Philip also emailed me back (later that day) to set up a meeting time. Online, there was little to no information about this research, but I knew one thing, he was a PharmD instructor and that's exactly what I need. People with PharmD connections are perfect for people looking into PharmD right?! So I decided to meet with him. I mean, his research on eyes also sounds really interesting! He's working with cow eyes and I'd get to have fun with those! What fun right? Also, turns out his lab is also super nice too. And they offered to pay me.... dafuq do I do now?

I really don't want to let them either of them down. Currently I'm only subscribed to take 15 credit hours next semester, and take 5 credit hours for lab research (= ~ 15 hours a week in lab). Now I was talking to them, and I decided, it would be best if I did 15 hours (Philip) in one lab and only 10 hours (Zhang) in the other lab. That way I think that I can fit it all into my schedule. But I'm worried if they'll expect more from me. I really won't have a life next semester, or the semester after that. Actually, the semester afterwards, there is absolutely no way I can do both at the same time. I'll have to drop one. And it really scares to me have to say no to one of these groups. Should I just say no now?

I think this plan may work though for the time being, though, so that's what I'll go with for now. We'll see how this goes, but I don't know if this is just me getting in over my head again. I really don't have enough courage to just turn one of them down. I love both researches, and they're both vastly different. And they both sound fun to me. What the fuck am I supposed to do? God please give me a sign... T____T

The only thing I do know is that I don't want to be like this anymore. Not only the fact that I'm a huge push-over and have terrible troubles turning people down, but also because I'm scared I'll let them down. Or that maybe I'll just slack off again like I like to do. I don't want to be lazy anymore. And you know what. I won't be lazy anymore. I really want to do my best and I'll try my best. No more of these unfulfilled promises that just seem to pass right by you. I want to change into a better person. Minna-san ~ please wait for my transformation. I'm always changing (I was never into skincare or traveling before, but now I love it) maybe I can change into a better, more trustworthy person now. Who needs sleep when you know you're giving it your all?! >:D

HERE WE GO. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION MADE A LITTLE HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR. HERE'S HOPING THAT THIS RESOLUTION WILL ACTUALLY COME TRUE.
I KNOW I CAN DO IT AS LONG AS I BELIEVE~
(LOL how cheesy is that? But it's true. I think that as long as I have positive aspects on the future, and I believe in myself, nothing bad can happen. Besides, I always have chocolate to cheer me up anyways~ <3 And shoes. Gotta love dem shoes~ c; )

I don't wanna fail anymore.... I don't wanna let anyone down anymore... T_____T

Pfft. Pfft Pfft. Who wants to leave off on such a sour note.
For your viewing pleasure. GRi love~ <3 

(credits to gifs to whoever made them. I found them online. OTL OTL OTL)